I Just Can’t Help Myself…

I can’t begin to tell you how often I have missed reasonably set deadlines for my personal projects; either due to the interruption of life in general, or my method for handling life that somehow did not include balance, focus and stamina. Leaving me stagnated by procrastination and without positive results. The worse result was me beating up on myself. I would sort of realize the mistakes and wrong turns, but didn’t know that procrastination and all that I didn’t put into myself were tools of the enemy. Yes, I said enemy. If no weapon formed against us can prosper, wouldn’t there have to be an enemy around to form it in the first place?

You can’t resolve an issue, if you don’t know what the issue is. And you can’t be victorious if you can’t keep it real with yourself… about yourself. I can’t pin point the actual “Ah ha!” moment, as I had so many priors… prior revelations, that is J

But clearly, the revelations I was having weren’t strong enough. That means I am one tough cookie, but evidently not in all the right areas. I decided to step into the right lane and decelerate because the fast lane (wrong lane) wasn’t taking me anywhere I needed, nor truly wanted to be going. It was time to get balanced. I wanted to get my body right, cleanse my temple; get my mind and spirit right by regaining peace, add meditation and giving more Praise more often back into my schedule.

I found that I had no problem at all making time for my employer mandated appointments, conference calls, projects and other. I was tackling workplace assigned tasks like a machine, leaving nothing for myself. I found that everyone around me would find a way to need something from me, when I needed to be completely focused on me and mine. I found that I was putting unnecessary time into relationships that instead could have been put on my list of things to do. THAT WAS IT! I was offended. I was ticked. At first, I was angry with myself for being held up by making poor choices and not having my priorities in order. Those closest to me felt my wrath. Then it hit me. I had been here before. This was a slick cycle that was disguised at first, slowly revealing itself with every right hook and upper cut I received. I never shifted gears. I was stuck in overdrive, unable to see clearly or think straight. I was still wandering in the wilderness, years after I thought I was out and into the promise land.

A million and one weapons were formed against me: procrastination, disorganization, fatigue, denial, lies, heartbreak, confusion, feelings of resentment, discontent, disappointment, fear and more… It was time to stop attacking myself and letting the enemy in to win. It was time for me to take a stand for my life, for my soul. I was being ripped to shreds spiritually, mentally and physically. I was being taken out, without notice. I DON’T THINK SO. I was the issue and my lack of clarity and inability to recognize what was really going on was the hold up. I needed the Word to troubleshoot me.

When you have a goal, mission, vision for yourself; a glimpse of what God’s assignment is for you and your life, the enemy pulls out all stops to stop you. We have to pull out all stops to stand and fight for what we were promised; what we know is rightfully ours: blessings, peace, joy, love, prosperity, victory, pure overflow. Create a list now of what your holdups are and command the enemy, the devil, to beat it and go back to hell! We can do that. We have purpose and authority to do so. I don’t know what is on your list of things to do, but if you know like I know… if you want to achieve anything other than standing still, the time is now! If not now, when?

Recently, another storm came, but something was different. The attack was different and wasn’t here to wound me, it was here to destroy me; using my only child and my financial security to do so. He went for the jugular. Oh but something else was different…I was different. I was better and I was prepared. I built up my arsenal and stocked it with the Word, more love, patience, unwavering faith, a stronger, healthier spirit and more wisdom in my reserve. Even as I am writing this, the enemy is trying to distract me and offset my emotions, flooding my voicemail and text message inbox with nonsense, lies, and craziness. I’m telling you, he will not let up, so you’d better not. The devil is a LIAR and I’m not stopping! I recognize him and his lies… and I stand! There is a Q in my name but it does not stand for “quit”. It stands for Quiana; it stands for Queen. We are royalty and must know it and behave as such; having and exercising our authority over all that is our.

Wake up expecting greatness, but stay suited with strength, courage and wisdom to live each day. Don’t have it? Pray for it. If you ask, it will be given. Know this: whatever your storm brings… you can weather it if you are confident in the Word of life, the Word of God. Believe you will have victory without an ounce of tangible proof and that is the Faith to stand on. Believe you will have victory and not ask when the storm will pass, just trust that it will and say “Thank you, God!” I don’t have a Ph.D, I’m not a Pastor and I’m not trying to preach to you. I’m just a woman with an automatic, genuine love for all my brothers and sisters. I’m doing what I can’t help myself but to do… put a pen to the truth, my day-to-day life experiences and thanking God the ability to do so. Through the valleys we all go; I’m speaking up, speaking out and speaking to Life and Love. After all, I am Q Speaks. 😉

Life and Love Under New Management returns to Blog Talk Radio Friday, May 16, 2014 at 6pm. Be sure to tune in: blogtalkradio.com/qspeaks


Peace, Love and Empowerment to you all.


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